The Sacred Chao
THE FIVE COMMANDMENTS
The PENTABARF was discovered by the hermit Apostle Zarathud in
the Fifth Year of The Caterpillar. He found them carved in
gilded stone, while building a sun deck for his cave, but their
import was lost for they were written in a mysterious cypher.
However, after 10 weeks & 11 hours of intensive scrutiny he
discerned that the message could be read by standing on his head
and viewing it upside down.
KNOW YE THIS O MAN OF FAITH!
I - There is no Goddess but Goddess and She is Your Goddess.
There is no Erisian Movement but The Erisian Movement and it is
The Erisian Movement. And every Golden Apple Corps is the
beloved home of a Golden Worm.
II - A Discordian Shall Always use the Official Discordian
Document Numbering System.
III - A Discordian is Required during his early Illumination to
Go Off Alone & Partake Joyously of a Hot Dog on a Friday; this
Devotive Ceremony to Remonstrate against the popular Paganisms
of the Day: of Catholic Christendom (no meat on Friday), of
Judaism (no meat of Pork), of Hindic Peoples (no meat of Beef),
of Buddhists (no meat of animal), and of Discordians (no Hot Dog
IV - A Discordian shall Partake of No Hot Dog Buns, for Such was
the Solace of Our Goddess when She was Confronted with The
V - A Discordian is Prohibited of Believing what he reads.
IT IS SO WRITTEN! SO BE IT. HAIL DISCORDIA! PROSECUTORS WILL BE
THE MYTH OF THE APPLE OF DISCORD
It seems that Zeus was preparing a wedding banquet
for Peleus and Thetis and did not want to invite Eris because of Her
reputation as a trouble maker.*
This made Eris angry, and so She fashioned an apple of pure gold**
and inscribed upon it KALLISTI ("To The Prettiest One") and on the
day of the fete She rolled it into the banquet hall and then left to
be alone and joyously partake of a hot dog.
three of the invited goddesses,*** Athena, Hera, and Aphrodite, each
immediately claimed it to belong to herself because of the
inscription. And they started fighting, and they started throwing
punch all over the place and everything.
Finally Zeus calmed things down and declared that an arbitrator must
be selected, which was a reasonable suggestion, and all agreed. He
sent them to a shepherd of Troy, whose name was Paris because his
mother had had a lot of gaul and had married a Frenchman; but each
of the sneaky goddesses tried to outwit the others by going early
and offering a bribe to Paris.
Athena offered him Heroic War Victories, Hera offered him Great
Wealth, and Aphrodite offered him the Most Beautiful Woman on Earth.
Being a healthy young Trojan lad, Paris promptly accepted
Aphrodite's bribe and she got the apple and he got screwed.
As she had promised, she maneuvered earthly
happenings so that Paris could have Helen (the Helen) then living
with her husband Menelaus, King of Sparta. Anyway, everyone knows
that the Trojan War followed when Sparta demanded their Queen back
and that the Trojan War is said to be The First War among men.
And so we suffer because of the Original Snub. And so a Discordian
is to partake of No Hot Dog Buns.
Do you believe that?
This is called THE DOCTRINE OF THE ORIGINAL SNUB
There is historic disagreement concerning whether this apple was
of metallic gold or acapulco.
Actually there were
five goddesses, but the Greeks did not know the Law of Fives.
THE INSIDE STORY!
The Law of Fives
Law of Fives is one of the oldest Erisian Mysterees. It was first
revealed to Good Lord Omar and is one of the great contributions to
come from The Hidden Temple of The Happy Jesus.
*POEE subscribes to the Law of Fives of Omar's sect. And POEE also
recognizes the holy 23 (2+3=5) that is incorporated by Episkopos Dr.
Mordecai Malignatus, KNS, into his Discordian sect, The Ancient
Illuminated Seers of Bavaria.
The Law of Fives states simply that: ALL THINGS HAPPEN IN FIVES, OR
ARE DIVISIBLE BY OR ARE MULTIPLES OF FIVE, OR ARE SOMEHOW DIRECTLY
OR INDIRECTLY APPROPRIATE TO 5.
The Law of Fives is never wrong.
In the Erisian Archives is an old memo from Omar to Mal-2: "I find
the Law of Fives to be more and more manifest the harder I look."
Of Eris Esoteric
Mal-2 was once asked by one of his Disciples if he often prayed to
Eris. He replied with these words:
"No, we Erisians seldom pray, it is much too dangerous.
Fort has listed many factual incidences of ignorant people
confronted with, say, a drought, and then praying fervently -- and
then getting the entire village wiped out in a torrential flood."
A ZEN STORY
- by Camden Benares, The Count of Five - Headmaster, Camp Meeker
A serious young man found the conflicts of mid 20th Century America
confusing. He went to many people seeking a way of resolving within
himself the discords that troubled him, but he remained troubled.
One night in a coffee house, a self-ordained Zen Master said to him,
"go to the dilapidated mansion you will find at this address which I
have written down for you. Do not speak to those who live there; you
must remain silent until the moon rises tomorrow night. Go to the
large room on the right of the main hallway, sit in the lotus
position on top of the rubble in the northeast corner, face the
corner, and meditate."
He did just as the Zen Master instructed. His meditation was
frequently interrupted by worries. He worried whether or not the
rest of the plumbing fixtures would fall from the second floor
bathroom to join the pipes and other trash he was sitting on. He
worried how would he know when the moon rose on the next night. He
worried about what the people who walked through the room said about
His worrying and meditation were disturbed when, as if in a test of
his faith, ordure fell from the second floor onto him. At that time
two people walked into the room. The first asked the second who the
man was sitting there was. The second replied "Some say he is a holy
man. Others say he is a shithead."
Hearing this, the man was enlightened.
HONEST BOOK OF TRUTH
- being a BIBLE of The
Episkopos LORD OMAR KHAYYAM
RAVENHURST, KSC; Bull Goose of Limbo; and Master Pastor of the
Church Invisible of the Laughing Christ, Hidden Temple of The
Happy Jesus, Laughing Buddha Jesus (LBJ) Ranch...
THE BOOK OF EXPLANATIONS, Chapter 1
- from the Honest Book of Truth
1. There came one day to Lord Omar, Bull Goose of Limbo, a
Messenger of Our Lady who told him of a Sacred Mound wherein was
buried an Honest Book.
2. And the Angel of Eris bade of the Lord: Go ye hence and dig
the Truth, that ye may come to know it and, knowing it, spread
it and, spreading it, wallow in it and, wallowing in it, lie in
it and, lying in the Truth, become a Poet of the Word and a
Sayer of Sayings -- an Inspiration to all men and a Scribe to
3. So Omar went forth to the Sacred Mound, which was to the East
of Mullah, and thereupon he worked digging in the sand for five
days and five nights, but found no book.
4. At the end of five days and five nights of digging, it came
to pass that Omar was exhausted. So he put his shovel to one
side and bedded himself down on the sand, using as a pillow a
Golden Chest he had uncovered on the first day of his labors.
5. Omar slept.
6. On the fifth day of his sleeping, Lord Omar fell into a
Trance, and there came to him in the Trance a Dream, and there
came to him in the Dream a Messenger of Our Lady who told him of
a Sacred Grove wherein was hidden a Golden Chest.
7. And the Angel of Eris bade of the Lord: Go ye hence and lift
the Stash, that ye may come to own it and, owning it, share it
and, sharing it, love in it and, loving in it, dwell in it and,
dwelling in the Stash, become a Poet of the Word and a Sayer of
Sayings - an Inspiration to all men and a Scribe to the Gods.
8. But Omar lamented, saying unto the Angel : What is this shit,
man? What care I for the Word and Sayings? What care I for the
Inspiration of all men? Wherein does it profit a man to be a
Scribe to the Gods when the Scribes of the Governments do
nothing, yet are paid better wages?
9. And, lo, the Angel waxed in anger and Omar was stricken to
the Ground by an Invisible Hand and did not arise for five days
and five nights.
10. And it came to pass that on the fifth night he dreampt, and
in his Dream he had a Vision, and in this Vision there came unto
him a Messenger of Our Lady who entrusted to him a Rigoletto
cigar box containing many filing cards, some of them in packs
with rubber bands around, and upon these cards were sometimes
written verses, while upon others nothing was written.
11. Thereupon the Angel Commanded to Lord: Take ye this Honest
Book of Truth to thine bosom and cherish it. Carry it forth into
The Land and Lay it before Kings of Nations and Collectors of
Garbage. Preach from it unto the Righteous, that they may
renounce their ways and repent.
The Principia Discordia is a Discordian religious
text, written by Greg Hill (Malaclypse the Younger) with Kerry
Wendell Thornley (Lord Omar Khayyam Ravenhurst). The first edition
was printed using
Jim Garrison's Xerox printer in 1963. The second
edition was published under the title: Principia Discordia or
How The West Was Lost in a limited edition of five copies in
We publish this primer as a public service, as the PD is one of the
few religious texts worth considering in these post-truth days of
High Strangeness... please enjoy.
- the Mgt
The Missing Links
Principia Discordia online...
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Enter your question for the mighty Oracle of Eris Tarot to ponder...
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Beneath this entire Universe is the cosmic joke...
Greek Mythology link...
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Legion of Dynamic Discord